This is a completely off topic post here. A week ago today, a coworker of mine committed suicide by driving her car into the Mississippi River. She had gone out drinking with her husband, was popping Xanax while she was drinking , she wanted to keep going but he said no, it was time to go home. They went home, got into a huge fight and she took off. She called her 19 year old son and told him she couldn't do it anymore, she was sorry, she should have been a better mother to him and his 6 yr old sister. He was still on the phone with her begging her not to do it when she drove in. Nine people saw it happen and were throwing rocks at the car window to try to get her out, but the car was sinking too fast and she made no attempt to save herself. A cop we know said that usually when someone drives into the river, they find them in the backseat when they pull the car out, because they change their mind at the last minute. She was sitting in the front seat, just the way she went in.
This has been very hard for me to understand. I have dealt with depression since my early 20's, self injured, and was suicidal. I was about as close to rock bottom as one can get. But you know what? I pulled through and made it out. I was in therapy and had my friends, coworkers and family. How can someone think they are so alone that they decide their family is better off without them? How can you be so selfish as to call your own son and let him hear you die? I just cannot seem to wrap my head around this. I don't understand how she could sit there as the car filled with water and do absolutely nothing. Someone at work said that they hope right before she died they wonder if she had a moment of clarity but couldn't back out by that point. I wonder if when she hit the river and succumbed to the water and her sadness if she though to herself "finally".
So my thought to anyone who reads this is this: do not think you are alone. You can talk to your family, your friends, hell even me. Do not make such a drastic quick decision in a moment of desperation because if you do, there is no going back. Make sure to tell people you love them, because you never know what the next day holds. And always remember, you are never truely alone in what you are dealing with, there is someone out there to help everyone.